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Our close companions for more than 20 years, who has overcome several obstacles, which I admire. However, she's repeatedly blindsided by others. Her partner left her, and it was an unexpected event. A lot of her friends drifted away during that time, because they seemed drawn to the spouse. She was stunned by her. She made greater energy in our friendship, probably realised more clearly what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, many in her circle vanished leaving her knowing the cause. Her last employer became hostile, despite the fact that she was very skilled at her work, her exit happened not understanding the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, both of us retired leading to more time together, however, I feel the part I play in our friendship is as the audience. I open subjects and she changes the talk toward what interests her. In terms of politics, she has strong opinions. My effort is to recommend verifying facts and different perspectives.

She's been planning a vacation to a nation I know well on several occasions and resided in for a while. My intention was to share personal experiences, but this was met with resistance. She really solely sought validation of her decisions. I recently returned from four weeks in that country she hopes to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate in this role who cuts and runs without a word, but I don't think she will ever grasp the effect of her behaviour on my confidence. Right now, my state is avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

You could walk away, however, that approach is not often the peaceful resolution we imagine. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of a solution takes courage and openness from both people.

Professional advice indicates applying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step is to state what typically happens when you talk. Aim for this to be based on facts like what a recording device would replay. Step two involves sharing how this affects you emotionally. This allows for no disagreement here. What you feel are valid, of course. Finally is to ask how you are both can shift the dynamics between you."

Remember she too has a point of view, so you need to be prepared to hear that. One effective method involves stating her:

"Now you talk and I promise to not say anything for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably impactful in fostering understanding.

Key Takeaways

This person may dismiss all you say, as some people hold onto a “survival narrative”: they rely on a version regarding their experiences they cannot abandon because their very survival relies on it and it represents they trust. This is difficult when there seems no easy route with these people, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might initially present this way and then think about what you've said. If you never reach a resolution, it provides peace knowing you were honest with her.